I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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