my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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