He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
