I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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