i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
