i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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