Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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