I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
