just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
