Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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