I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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