apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
