This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
