That's intense
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize