We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
