My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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