bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
