I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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