Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
