Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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