Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize