I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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