TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
