Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
