so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
