the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
