the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Please don't give away my fajitas
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