Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
