i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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