Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
