Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
