never play flip cup with pint glasses
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
