I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
