I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
