Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize