3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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