sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
