Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we're making bets on your personal life
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
