I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
