can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
