what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
