I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
