Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
