Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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