READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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