I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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