Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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