But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
worst night to have a conscience
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
