this just has baby written all over it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
