if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
