I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
