Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
