guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
