Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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