apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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