This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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