wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
