There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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