life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
