You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
