NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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