I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Don't make out with my wife yet
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
